Hi everyone, Jaxx Steele here to give you my take on being gay in the military. I will not divulge which branch I was in, but I will give you a small peek at what I experience. By no means is this blog meant to be a military bashing experience. This is only a politically correct retelling of my personal experiences.
During my time in I learned what all other soldiers learned: follow directions without question, tolerate horrible food, build my stamina, shoot a variety of cool guns and how to tune out people that yell in your face. I also learned to conceal my true nature and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I went in knowing, of course, about the don’t ask-don’t tell but being young and naïve I thought that if I did that I would be fine. I soon found out that that was not the case. If someone even accused you of being gay whether you were or not didn’t matter. You were ostracized by everyone. In front of the brass and the suits all was well, but when we had down time...that was another story.
I was not the only one on that side of the fence, but the heterosexuals out number us for sure. Even those who called themselves your friends would shun you fearful of being labeled the same and thus receiving the same treatment. I won’t go into detail on said treatment for fear that it could cause a psychotic like episode that would leave my left eye twitching for days. I will just say it was reminiscent of a few distasteful scenes from the movie Full Metal Jacket.
Time moved on and even the emotional scars healed. Although I eagerly scratched each day off my mental calendar, I would not have changed my years in the service. The experience made me stronger mentally and physically and the man I am today. Even though the repeal of the DADT is on the books, I believe it will take time to affect the folks on the ground level of things and change to occur among the masses. I hope it doesn’t, but…
Not long after my time was up, I wrote a story about a gay couple in the military called Care Package (SilverPublishing). The counselors they make you see when you are released may say writing this story was somehow therapeutic, but I say it was pure fun. LOL
First Sergeant Dwayne Roman was asked to leave his life as a soldier. Reluctantly he did so and settled fitfully into civilian life. The law of the land and a military cover up separated him from the most important person in his life. After suffering three years with regret and loneliness, he had the chance to get back what an unjust law and self-serving people took from him.
"It is my duty as your commanding officer to—"
Roman's mouth snapped shut. The passion in the other man's outburst stopped him in his tracks. The pain his words inflicted was evident on his face. That had not been his intention. All he wanted to do was make sure that they had a future where they were, and some sacrifices had to be made to ensure that.
"Private, you are dangerously close to being insubordinate with your tone."
Styles held the bridge of his nose as he took several deep breaths and blinked away obvious tears. Leaning forward, holding the chair for balance, his gaze was intense and his words were slow and deliberate.
"I want you to tell me that you don't want me. That you think it is best for us to be apart. Give me the order to leave you. I want to hear it from your lips, not read it off a piece of paper, and I will go and never bother you again," he finished, pointing at the door.
Roman left his chair as the request ran through his mind. Styles was obviously distraught over his decision. The look he landed on him seared his soul. Roman had to turn away from it. His sense of duty rose within him, in battle with what his heart felt. Private Styles' suggestion was exactly what he should do. He was a seasoned soldier in the United States Army. Protocol dictated nothing less, and so did the law of the land.
Roman turned around. Styles stood waiting for his response. He was young, too young to have so much passion for Roman. His mouth was parted and his bottom lip quivered slightly. For more nights than he could count, Roman had stroked his cock thinking about that very mouth bringing him to completion instead of his hand. The brilliant blue eyes that stared back at him haunted his dreams nightly. Now they sparkled with distress and unshed tears. Seeing the anguish there was like a knife in his heart. He just wanted to ease Styles' pain. Knowing that he was the cause of that hurt was his undoing. He quickly closed the distance between them and slipped his hand behind his subordinate's head.
"God help me, but I cannot give that order," he said, then fused their mouths together.
Jaxx Steele…has left the building!